god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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