Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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