When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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