kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there is glitter all over my balls
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
