i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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