I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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