who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just pee around me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
