her vagine was all disorganized.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
