I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
