Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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