she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
