Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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