Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
