Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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