Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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