Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
