she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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