Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
