I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
