I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
