Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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