It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
