when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
