You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
