Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I need to stop coming to work sober
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
