You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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