It's like God shit irony all over that family
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
