I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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