omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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