yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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