I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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