I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's blow job season.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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