i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
