i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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