I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
