my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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