It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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