Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
