This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
