I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
