Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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