i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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