I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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