ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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