i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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