I met the friendliest cop last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
