Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
