I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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