Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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