The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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