She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
