Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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