69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I want is dick and wine.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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