Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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