At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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