Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
